2023

 2023

Hip and shoulder pain. Fatigue. 

I'm seeing the new NP tomorrow. I'm really wanting answers. 

Please pray. Thank you!

Still Struggling, but Better

Yep. Still struggling. It's an emotional thing. I have always had a problem with rejection, and EVERYTHING feels like rejection to me. I had a friend who had training in counseling tell me that most times victims of abuse don't even realize it until they're in their 60's, because they've been busy with life, kids, grandkids, etc. Well, I'm in my 60s and really struggling to put a finger on what is wrong with me. I have a lot of time in the stillness of an empty home to just think. And think, and think. I keep tremendously busy with little things, and sometimes big things, but it's still quiet and I think. Overthink. And overthink some more. 

Yes, I'm confident now that I was emotionally and verbally abused. As a child, and continuing as an adult. I'm also fairly certain that I have undiagnosed adult ADHD. Plus some hormonal or other imbalances in my body. I keep trying supplements to try and find that elusive THING that is wrong with me. That docs can't find. That blood tests can't find. That surgery can't correct. That being immersed in scripture can't seem to fix. 

I diet, count calories, drink gallons of water, walk, row, plank, intermittent fast, take supplements out the wazoo, and still nothing works. This diet, that diet, this new thing, that new thing. I know clearly what DOESN'T work. So I keep coming back to the things that work just a little bit. It's better than quitting, I guess. 

Today I'm feeling a nudge. I believe it's from God. To walk. I keep getting the words in my head. Just walk. Suck it up for a while longer. But walk, too. 

Walk.

Ok. I'm doing it, Lord. 

 

Setbacks

I'm struggling. I don't know why. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed with everything. With life. I do research and I think I have adult ADHD and of course, depression. And no one cares. I can't talk to my friends about it. Why call them friends? I'm the listener of the group. I rarely get to talk. I've even had "the hand" in front of my face to be quiet. If I say two words, the subject gets changed and everyone else jabbers, or worse yet (my daughter), they get glassy eyed and stare off into space until I finish. I can't tell you how many times my feelings have been hurt. Mention depression and EVERYONE leaves you alone! I even thought I had a nervous breakdown before and told my friends and yep, got totally ignored. During chemo NOT ONE of them called, visited, or sent a card. One of them texted a couple times a month but that's all. That still stings...

 I'm starting 5-HTP today to see if it makes a difference in anything. Mood, appetite, anxiety, whatever... if it helps ANYTHING it will be worth it. So, I'm struggling. I still have the goal to lose 30 pounds by January. That's just over 5 pounds a month. Stick with me, OK? 

'Til the next pound down!

Starting Over...Again

 Well, it really isn't starting over...again...but it's close! I really never quit. I just seem to take breaks and gain a couple pounds back. I'm down almost twenty pounds since the last post, and I lost it during the Covid pandemic. WOW! That's one for the history books, people! 

HOWEVER, during the last two years I lost thirty pounds. Do the math. Yep. Down twenty in the last paragraph. That means a gain of 10 POUNDS! Now, there is an explanation for that. I'm not sure it's a good one, but there is one. 

During the early months of the pandemic, I was the weirdo who walked on the treadmill and watched calories while most of the world was taking advantage of being a couch potato. The following year I followed a plan called Noom, and it was working for a while, then they changed formats and it felt goofy and off to me, which wasn't the entire problem...

I went to a new doctor (doctors are a WHOLE 'nother post!) and she FLIPPED OUT at my A1C, which was 5.7. She said it's creeping up there and I needed to eat low carb and see a diabetic therapist. I said NO, it's not creeping up! It's going down! It used to be 6.3!!! She didn't believe me. I told her that I'm already doing intermittent fasting, eating 1200 calories per day, drinking a gallon of water per day, exercising, and so on. She didn't care. Completely insistent that I go see the diabetic therapist. But in the meantime, I started the downward spiral. All the hard work came crashing in around me. I tried low carb and gained. I recorded all my food and gained. By the time my appointment with the diabetic therapist arrived, I was armed with notebooks of all I had done. And this saint of a woman believed me. She said she had NEVER had anyone come in that knew as much as me and was as prepared as me. She. Believed. Me. However, the damage was done. I couldn't get back on track. That was last October. It is now August and I finally feel like I've healed from the trauma. (I know you're thinking -- you call THAT trauma??? Yes. Simply yes. Believe me. There's a history.) That doctor actually left the practice and I got a new doctor that was WORSE if you can believe that! So with the help of another doctor friend, I have a gentle and kind new nurse practitioner that I think will work out great! 

With all that being said, I think a PLANT-STRONG lifestyle, counting calories, and gentle but consistent exercise is my plan for now. My husband hasn't retired yet, so I have a goal to get below 200 by his retirement in January. That's a loss of 31 pounds in just under 6 months. I also have a health screening for insurance in October, and I want those numbers to be GREAT! It starts today! 

Til the next pound down!

New Day - Part Two (Or is it Three, Or Four???)

Day 5 begins on my WFPBNOSOS lifestyle. Yes, you read that correctly! Whole Food, Plant Based, No Oil, Salt Or Sugar! So what does that leave? Tasty plant-based goodness! I'm going to try keeping this blog up on my progress to lose weight, get healthy, and stay OUT of the cancer mill again. God has been sooo good and given me a second chance at life not just once, but at least twice, and I'm still overweight and unhealthy. There's a reason He has left me here. I still have a job to do. I don't know what it is, but I want to at least FEEL good while I'm trying to do that job! Or maybe THIS IS my job! I mean, the original plant-based diet was right out of Genesis in the bible, right?
So, in the spirit of the new year, I'm going to include my new day resolution list and start over on that! Here it is:
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New Day Resolutions

In the spirit of the new year, I am resolving not once, but 365 times, to begin again. Every day I will begin with my "New Day Resolution" and have 1 or 2 things I will resolve to do that day. If I fail once, I haven't blown the whole year. I can start again tomorrow! It is one more way that I'm going to be gentler with myself and my {SLOW} weight loss. I will weigh in on Monday, December 27 to see what my new "beginning" weight is, every day I will choose 2 things from this list that I will complete that day. This list will be added to throughout the year to create more challenging things for me, but for now, so that I will not fail, I will start with these:

Drink 8 glasses of water.
Eat 4 fruits/veggies
Replace a meal with a salad.
Replace a meal with a smoothie.
Walk on the treadmill 15 minutes.
Work out on the home gym.
Make 4 extra trips up and down the stairs.
Take my vitamins.
Use my dumbbells for upper body strength.
Drink green tea.

OK, so I do some of these every day anyway. This is not meant to be a challenge every single day, it is meant to keep me feeling successful and motivated. As I need new challenges (that IS the goal!) I will add them...but only so that I remain successful! Failure is NOT an option! Happy New Year! 

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Thanks for stopping by today! 'Til the next pound down!

Which Plan?

I have been struggling because I didn't really have a plan to follow. I've tried so many different plans and stay on them for a week or two, or a couple months, but I always fail. When I joined a page on FaceBook called 52 lbs in 52 weeks, I was tossing around the idea of going vegan again with a plan called Eat to Live. I have done a plan called Trim Healthy Mama, which is sort of like carb cycling. I've counted calories. I ate 1400 calories a day for years...and I still have the books that I recorded them in. THM was so dairy heavy. I loved eating it, but I couldn't lose weight. The ETL speaks to me, but was so difficult for me to stay on. I started researching again. I had followed the DASH diet and counted calories before and lost weight. I was working out for almost 2 hours every day, also. Well, I found a book that I purchased on Amazon, and I think I'm going back on the DASH diet for health and weight loss. Til the next pound down!

5 Years

Wow. 5 years, almost to the day, since I last posted on this blog. A lot has happened, including missing a whole year of my life to sarcoma and chemo. I'm trying to start again, I really am. I have struggled with which type of diet to follow. THM is too dairy-heavy and meat-heavy. I think I really need to keep the calorie count lower than that. I am playing with Eat To Live and the nutritarian style, but I just keep falling off. I thought that cancer would scare me into wanting to eat healthier, but it hasn't. What can I do to find the motivation? I'm just tired.

I'm. Just. Tired.